I received a phone call today from Micah's teacher. I have to admit...when I saw the name on the I.D. I outwardly groaned before picking up the phone and pleasantly saying, "Hello".
My son's teacher greeted me with that tone we mom's DREAD all the while assuring me, "Micah's fine...BUT..." (I don't remember exactly, but I can pretty much bet I rolled my eyes.)
Let me start by saying this: My husband and I have come to the conclusion that Micah's teacher does NOT like him. Remember, we've got 2 older children, a Senior and a Sophmore, so this isn't our first rodeo. She doesn't like him. It's very obvious and we've known since about the 2nd month of school...if it even took that long to figure out. When you have a strong-willed child who is wise beyond his years, argumentative as all get-out, quick thinking, EXTREMELY literal and detail oriented, you've got a child who is going to have clashes with others. It's just the way it goes. Add to that our particular child possesses a high level of confidence and is NOT intimidated by, well...anyone! We get it...he's a HUGE challenge. I think we know this better than anyone since we are the ones trying to survive...er...I mean, raise him.
We've had several "run-ins" with Micah's teacher and what we've noticed is she is entirely concerned about HIS impact on everyone from his actions to his words yet shows little to no concern about how he feels, thinks or experiences what happens around him.
So...getting back to my morning interruption, ahem...phone call.
Teacher: "I just wanted Micah to share with you what he said to a little girl in his class."
I will spare you the details of the slightly confusing, hard to follow conversation I had with my very distracted son who didn't quite understand why he was even having to talk with me. (Whew! Take a breath!) I will just move to the reason for the call. Micah, in frustration, said, "I wish I could put duct tape on your mouth to keep you quiet!"
When asked why he said that he explained that it was something I or his brothers or someone said to HIM and it seemed appropriate for this situation. (Made me smile but I kept my giggle to myself. I didn't want to egg him on and get us BOTH in trouble.)
We had a conversation about how to handle frustrations and how to respond to those we are frustrated with and then his teacher got back on the phone.
I have to be honest, I was confused as to what she wanted from me. So, I asked her. She said, "I just thought you should know what he said." Still confused I responded, "Annnnnnd why did you think I should know this right now?" To which she replied (here's the kicker), "I don't know...he clenched his jaw and his hands were in fists and, I don't know...I perceived it as a threat." A THREAT???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
I took a breath and said, "A threat? He's 6 years old. I do not believe for one moment that he intends to do bodily harm to her or anyone else. Did she feel threatened?"
Teacher, "Well, no. She's from another country. She probably didn't even know what he said."
Me, "Then why are we having this conversation?" (Doesn't this seem like a logical question???)
Teacher, "Because other children heard him say it and 2 of them told me about it. I'm concerned about the perceived threat they may be feeling."
Me, (I deserve a gold medal for my ability to KEEP MY COOL and not say to this teacher PRECISELY what I was thinking about her ability to reason things out at that moment...for those who know me, you understand what a monumental accomplishment that was for me) Instead I said, "I'm wondering if it has more to do with the fact that 6 and 7 year olds go out of their way to get one another in trouble. They tend to tattle on EVERYONE for EVERYTHING. Micah comes home daily and tells me about who told on who. He even tells me about HIM telling on his friends. Don't you think it could possibly have more to do with that than them feeling threatened?"
She skirted around this line of questioning by telling me I will need to trust her judgement on how she handles the tattling in her class. Didn't make an ounce of sense given the context of the conversation we were having at the time but I let it go and didn't tell her I don't really trust her at all, which I really don't at this point.
I then went to my second point: "Where is the concern for my son's obvious frustration or distress?"
Teacher, "What do you mean?"
Me, "You said Micah had his jaw clenched and his hands were in fists at his side. That is an obvious sign of frustration or distress. Did you take any time at all to talk to him and find out what he was feeling and why instead of assuming he was being threatening?" She replied in the negative to which I responded, "I appreciate the call and I spoke with Micah about how to handle our feelings of frustration and the people who frustrate us. I'm not sure what you want me to do here, but I can assure I'm NOT going to make a bigger deal out of this than what it is."
I still don't know what she really wanted from me except to side with her against my child. If I thought for a MOMENT he was being threatening to anyone I would be at that school in a heartbeat dealing with it. He's 6...and I'm not even fully convinced he knows what duct tape is!
His teacher basically apologized for "bothering" me and made sure I understood that Micah would be pulling a card for what he said. This is nothing new...he pulls cards for LOTS of things he says. This is not the first time she has had zero concern for Micah while only caring about his impact on others. It gets tiring, but WE walk through those things with him and help him deal with it, so we aren't overly concerned about HER impact on HIM. And what's better...school is closer to done than not! We are counting the days.
Why am I writing about this? Because it seems like common sense just doesn't exist in a LOT of classrooms in this Nation. It immediately reminded me of the boy who got suspended for chewing a pop-tart into the shape of a gun. Remember that? The school then offered counseling for the other students who "witnessed" such a heinous act (please know that was DRIPPING with sarcasm). I was actually tempted to ask Micah's teacher if they would be offering therapy to the two "traumatized" students...but I wisely held my tongue. What is going on? When did it become a rule that 6 year olds are no longer allowed to act like a 6 year old? I mean..REALLY!!! It's not like he's 16 and threatening to shoot anyone! He's 6...and 6 year olds don't always know how to deal with frustration. That's why the ADULTS in their lives are supposed to be MORE educated than they are and able to walk them through it...teaching them how to deal effectively and respectfully. Unfortunately, we have too many grown-ups who don't have a clue how to deal with the heart of a child. They are only concerned with controlling behavior. How incredibly sad.
I'm not sure what kind of judgments were being made on my home and my children, but based on the results of my 18 and 16 year olds, we've not done a perfect job but we've done pretty well. After all, neither one of them have duct taped a single person... EVER!!
Boy, are we looking forward to that last day of school!
