Jared never really asked if Santa actually brings toys to our house. And we never really talked about it. Perhaps, that wasn't the most responsible choice looking back...but hey, at the time I wasn't looking back...I was living in the moment and wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. Apparently, I avoided.
Years later he told me, "I didn't believe Santa delivered gifts to our house, but then (when he was a few years older) I saw the website that shows where Santa is in the world and thought, 'It MUST be true.'" Kids are so adorable. Somewhere along the way, he realized that even with the website, it was still just pretend.
With Quinten, it didn't go so smoothly. They are totally different children and view EVERYTHING from such different perspectives. Quinten has a tendency to be more black and white, all or nothing. I confess, I changed my tactics with him and decided I would let HIM decide if he believed or not. This seemed like such a GREAT, MATURE and HIP way to handle it at the time. Looking back...not so much...but again...I didn't have the benefit of hindsight and apparently I hadn't realized that praying about such things mattered. I hadn't come to the understanding that GOD knows my children so much better than I do and seeking Him for what is best for EACH child brings about a much better result than simply thinking I already know what's best.
When Quinten asked that all encompassing question my response THIS time was, "What do YOU believe about Santa?" Goodness, that sounds so supportive! He decided to believe that Santa is real and delivers gifts to us. I have to admit, I was excited about this because it makes Christmas so MAGICAL. That's what everyone says anyway. Quinten was probably 4 when we had this discussion. For several years, we did the "Santa's going to deliver your gifts so you better go right to sleep Christmas" and it was a lot of fun, I will admit.
One year, Quinten had a specific toy at the top of his list (the list he kept in his head and neglected to tell me how significant said list REALLY was). Needless to say, I missed how important an orange stuffed animal named SCORCHIO, who interacted with it's owner, really was. On Christmas Eve we were at my parents house and had finished opening all the gifts. I look over at Quinten and he is fighting tears. I could tell he was making every effort to NOT burst into tears and seem ungrateful for the gifts he DID have when all he could think about was the ONE gift he didn't have...the beloved SCORCHIO. I walked over and kneeled beside him wrapping my arms around him. I asked what was wrong and he hesitantly explained, fearing I would be angry at him for being ungrateful. My heart BROKE as I held my child and heard him say, "Maybe Santa will bring me one" knowing there would NOT be a SCORCHIO under that tree. What did I do? I had my brother-in-law, Darold, call our home phone and leave a message from, "Santa" and it went something like this: "Hi, Quinten, this is Santa and I need to let you know that I found a present in the bottom of my bag that I missed when I was delivering the presents to your family. I will be mailing this gift to you but it won't arrive for a day or two! I'm so sorry I missed this one because it's something you REALLY wanted. Merry Christmas!"
Then, the day after Christmas, I hunted that weird little orange toy down, wrapped it and put it under the tree. Christmas was saved! Quinten was a happy camper and that's all that matters right? I used to think so.
Fast forward a couple of years to when we started Home Schooling. That first year (Jared was in 5th grade and Quinten was in 2nd) I decided we would learn about the real Saint Nicolas. We sat around the dining room table talking about how Saint Nick left presents for little boys and girls who would have otherwise received nothing for Christmas. I was telling them how important it is that we, the body of Christ, meet the needs for little boys and girls at Christmas so they know they are loved. I said, "We need to buy gifts for boys and girls whose parents don't have enough money to buy them. We need to be like Christ and give freely to others." I was ON TOP of it! I'm telling you, I could practically hear angels singing as I spoke, it was THAT good! I never expected what came next.
Quinten said, "Won't Santa bring them presents?" My stomach did a flip-flop and I wanted to run and hide as I sat there looking at the face of this child who was about to have his heart crushed.Nevertheless, I could NOT lie to him. I HAD to tell him the truth. I did and he sat and listened with tears running down his face.
That is one of those moments I regret. Don't get me wrong. I don't regret telling him the truth. I regret having told him a lie to begin with, no matter how "innocent", sweet, and fun the lie may have seemed at the time. I sure wish I had had the wisdom to pray first and listen to God's response. I'm convinced He would have led me to tell the truth to Quinten because God knew Quinten would have trust issues as he grew. I added to his trust issues by lying to him about something that was so important in his world. I realized in telling a child Santa one thing when they are little only to reveal the truth about it when they are older can lead some children to have trust issues with God. How are they to know the difference...how will they grasp that God is real if their parents lied about Santa and encouraged them to believe in him. Some children will reject God based on this "innocent" lie told my parents.
So, when we had Micah we decided it was important to pray about all these decisions that we simply made on our own with the other two. We have an advantage over many people in that there is a decade between Quinten and Micah. We have the benefit of "hindsight" in raising our youngest child. We are much more informed...and we seek God about EVERYTHING. Not because we can't make a good decision on our own. BUT because God created these children...so clearly He knows them in a way we don't. His guidance is necessary in raising these boys to be the men GOD created them to be. He knows what will hurt their hearts and what will inspire them. Assuming I know without seeking HIM makes me very unwise and will harm my children in the long run.
With Micah we decided to just never tell him Santa would be bringing him gifts and when he asked we would tell the truth. We believe Santa is a very fun character and a fun part of Christmas, but is not the central focus of it. We enjoy movies about Santa and decorations and such but he is NOT the magic of Christmas. Jesus is.
I believe it's wrong to teach my child that Santa is watching him. I believe, as a Christian, it's wrong to tell my child that Santa can see every boy and girl in the world. God is the ONLY one who can do this. HE is the only one with the power to see all things and all people at one time. If I teach my child that Santa is this way and they find out later he isn't, how easy will it be for him to dismiss this reality about GOD.
I believe it's wrong to teach my child that gifts are based on behavior. Micah and I talked about both of these issues the other day as he was singing some songs about Santa. He said, "Mom, the song says, 'He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.'" I told him only God can see you like that and He not only knows your behavior, but also knows your heart. He knows the things you don't say out loud and the things you don't tell anyone else. He knows all of that and loves you no matter what.
Then we discussed the second issue in that statement that will lead a child away from the truth about God or at the least, cause confusion. John 3:16 states, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life." No where in this verse (or any other) does it say salvation is earned by good behavior. Yet, from their first Christmas, so many parents teach their child that gifts are based on whether they are good or bad. REALLY? As Christians this creates a problem because we teach our children that Jesus is the ultimate gift. When I stopped and thought about how I had led Jared and Quinten to believe this lie (as unintentional as it was) and how it COULD impact thier view and understanding of God, it made my heart hurt. We have made it a point to teach Micah (and Jared and Quinten for that matter) that they receive gifts as an outward expression of our love for them and is never based on their behavior. (This does NOT mean we won't ground them from said gifts if their behavior warrants it...but that's another story altogether.) The gift of Salvation through Jesus Christ is just that...a gift. It can NOT be earned. If it had to be earned, we would be in trouble because scripture tells us we have all fallen short of the glory of God because we have all sinned. Personally, I believe it is WAY more important for my child to grow up grasping the truth about where he stands with Christ rather than trying to create a magical moment at Christmas with Santa. As I said, the magic of Christmas is that the Son who created the world and all things in it, came to this earth, wrapped in flesh to bring Salvation to a lost world. Santa can't come close to that!
We have repeatedly talked to Micah about NOT telling other children the truth about Santa. It has been no small feat getting him to respect this because he likes to argue and he is a "truth seeker" like his mama. We've had countless conversations about respecting other people's beliefs and NEVER being the one to tell a child, "Santa isn't real". We tell him each parent has to make the decision on what they will teach their child and some parents want their children to believe in Santa. Even though we don't agree with this, we will respect it. This year, we can see that he understands how telling another child would hurt that child. He is developing empathy for others and told me the following story. I think it's my favorite Christmas story to date because it encompasses what we've worked hard at instilling in our children.
Micah: Mom, when me and Hallie (his 12 yr old cousin) were at Gibby's and Gamper's (my parents) for craft night I told them I want Home Alone for Christmas and Hallie said, "You could tell Santa you want it." and I just said, "No, I'm not going to tell Santa that."
Me: You didn't tell her you don't believe in Santa?
Micah: No, mom. I'm not going to hurt her like that. I think she still believes in him. (she doesn't, by the way) Instead of telling her Santa isn't real, I just told her I wouldn't be telling him I want Home Alone. I didn't say anything that would tell her he's not real.
Me: Micah, that was so thoughtful of you. Thank you for considering her feelings and being gracious with your response. I'm so proud of you for that.
We've had people, even family, disagree with our decision to tell Micah the truth. Some think we are ruining his ability to believe in magic. Ok. I'd rather he be grounded in the reality of Christ, which BLOWS magic out of the water. The power of the Holy Spirit is comparable to NOTHING! It is so much greater than any thing created by man. Micah DOES know the story of Saint Nicolas. It's an important story and he understands that modern day "Santa" was inspired by St. Nick's willingness to give and make a difference. But Saint Nicolas was just a man and Santa is just a character and Jesus is the REAL story behind giving.
In my 18 years of parenting I've come to believe that NOTHING should be introduced into my children's lives as reality that will have the potential to water down the truth about God in any way or that will confuse them as they grow and begin to grasp the truth about Jesus Christ. If that means we miss out on some of the fun, I can live with that because my goal as a parent is to impact the eternal lives of my children and to raise them to love God with all their hearts, souls, minds and strength. Don't get me wrong...we LIKE to have fun and seek to do so. We are just much more selective in what we are willing to introduce into our world of fun. And don't even get me started on that Elf on the Shelf! I won't even go there. Ha!
